Mommy Guilt. One of the heaviest things we can carry (aside from our kids, of course!). Here are just a few of the biggest sources of mommy guilt I've noticed in myself.
The thing is, Mommy, that not a single one of us is perfect. We ALL make mistakes. We all mess up. We all feel like we're "falling short" or failing sometimes. And for me, when I see myself falling short, I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself saying, "You're a terrible mother!"
But in reality, I'm not a terrible mother. True: I don't always make the best choices. I mess up. I make a lot of mistakes. I'm not perfect.
Also true: I'm human.
So I've been practicing rewriting my story. Instead of reprimanding myself with statements such as "You're a terrible mother" - I've been practicing with inquiries like:
Before I became a mother, I wanted to control every aspect of my life: I wanted to *feel* in control, always. I set incredibly high (*unrealistic*) expectations for myself and then would work myself to exhaustion trying to get everything done. As an over-achiever and people pleaser, I was always on the go, striving to meet everyone else's expectations, too, and then berating myself up when I didn't get everything done. 😩
Shortly after I became a mother, I realized (the hard way) that I needed to let go of my unrealistic dreams of perfection and control. I learned that I'm not in control, I'm not perfect, my child isn't perfect, and life isn't perfect. That was an unexpected wake up call. 😳
As I've been learning to release my needs for perfection and control, I've also been practicing flexibility, patience, and SURRENDER (ugh, that's a hard one, isn't it?!?!) I've been learning to extend myself kindness, compassion, grace, and forgiveness. 🤗
This has been challenging work... these are deeply ingrained mindset and behavior changes that do not happen overnight. I mess up often. Sometimes I forget to be patient or kind or forgiving to myself. Sometimes my desire for perfection and control reemerges in a BIG way. 😟
Even though this has been challenging inner work, it's been equally rewarding. I've been shifting my perspective of what it means to be a mother. It's also making me a better mother. I'm learning to be more flexible, more present, more patient. I've been living more in the moment, and have been learning to appreciate the little things. 🥰
When do you tend to feel the weight of mommy guilt? In what ways do you struggle with control, perfection, high expectations or over-achievement? How have you extended yourself kindness, grace, or forgiveness? 💜