Exactly three weeks ago today I received the papers for my second divorce. However, I have chosen not to see this as "another failed marriage." My spouse and I jointly made the decision to separate. We also made a joint decision that the number one priority through our divorce process would be our daughter. To us, that meant we agreed to take our time to work together through the process, to seek agreement rather than fighting, to compromise when we couldn't agree, to communicate and co-parent well, and to work only with a mediator, no attorneys. From the beginning of our process, we have been amicable. We are friendly. We make great co-parents. We are unique and lucky in that, I know. Many people have told me how uncommon an amicable divorce is. I'm proud of how we handled the process and I'm grateful for our partnership.
It has been nearly a year-and-a-half since we first decided to separate, which means I have had the luxury of that same amount of time for deep self-inquiry and self-examination to explore my role in our story. I have examined my own behavior in our marriage - what I did or didn't do that led to its ending. I have contemplated my old habits and patterns, my stories and limiting self-beliefs, and the walls I had built against love that created distance in our marriage. I have faced my fears (and trust me, there were many!), processed my emotions, and cultivated the courage I needed along each step of the way.
Our process was probably "easier" than what others experience because of our amicability, but that doesn't mean it was easy. Along the way, I left myself feel my full range of emotions, I allowed quiet personal time when I was struggling, and I focused on healing and nurturing myself. As I leaned into my healing, I also stepped into my strength and independence and focused on building the new. As I look back over the last year-and-a-half, I am truly amazed at how much my life has changed. And I feel truly blessed and grateful for how far I have come and where I am today.
As I said, I have chosen not to see this as a failed marriage. It's an ending, yes. But with the ending also comes a new beginning, one full of possibility. The mission I held for myself through the process included learning the lessons I needed to learn, rediscovering who I am, what I want, and what I enjoy, and rebuilding my life around those things.
Now that our process is complete and our divorce final, I am feeling called to support other women through the process. My mission as a Heart-Centered Divorce Coach is to help women heal, nurture, and care for themselves as they go through or come out of the divorce process (or other major life changes). I want to inspire women to heal and care for themselves through the process, and when they are ready, to embrace the new possibilities that lie ahead. My mission is to support women as they navigate the inner-directed challenges and opportunities inherent in this process, which may be different for everyone and could include:
-exploring emotions relating to the change
-exploring the change's impact on wellbeing
-grieving losses and allowing the endings to occur
-practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness
-practicing the forgiveness of others
-learning lessons from the marriage
-deep self-inquiry and heart work - exploring old wounds, stories fears and self-limiting beliefs
-facing fears and insecurities about being alone, being rejected, starting over, and more
-rediscovering and reclaiming sense of self
-learning to self-care, self-nurturing, and self-love
-cultivating courage for decisions and action
-reclaiming passion and vitality for life
-exploring dreams, desires, interests, hobbies
-discovering core values, life purpose, life vision/mission
-reclaiming strength, independence, and personal power
-evolving into wholeness; shifting from the "you complete me" mindset to "I complete me"
-reestablishing the new home and new routines