Mommy Guilt. One of the heaviest things we can carry (aside from our kids, of course!). Here are just a few of the biggest sources of mommy guilt I've noticed in myself.
The thing is, Mommy, that not a single one of us is perfect. We ALL make mistakes. We all mess up. We all feel like we're "falling short" or failing sometimes. And for me, when I see myself falling short, I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself saying, "You're a terrible mother!"
But in reality, I'm not a terrible mother. True: I don't always make the best choices. I mess up. I make a lot of mistakes. I'm not perfect.
Also true: I'm human.
So I've been practicing rewriting my story. Instead of reprimanding myself with statements such as "You're a terrible mother" - I've been practicing with inquiries like:
Before I became a mother, I wanted to control every aspect of my life: I wanted to *feel* in control, always. I set incredibly high (*unrealistic*) expectations for myself and then would work myself to exhaustion trying to get everything done. As an over-achiever and people pleaser, I was always on the go, striving to meet everyone else's expectations, too, and then berating myself up when I didn't get everything done. 😩
Shortly after I became a mother, I realized (the hard way) that I needed to let go of my unrealistic dreams of perfection and control. I learned that I'm not in control, I'm not perfect, my child isn't perfect, and life isn't perfect. That was an unexpected wake up call. 😳
As I've been learning to release my needs for perfection and control, I've also been practicing flexibility, patience, and SURRENDER (ugh, that's a hard one, isn't it?!?!) I've been learning to extend myself kindness, compassion, grace, and forgiveness. 🤗
This has been challenging work... these are deeply ingrained mindset and behavior changes that do not happen overnight. I mess up often. Sometimes I forget to be patient or kind or forgiving to myself. Sometimes my desire for perfection and control reemerges in a BIG way. 😟
Even though this has been challenging inner work, it's been equally rewarding. I've been shifting my perspective of what it means to be a mother. It's also making me a better mother. I'm learning to be more flexible, more present, more patient. I've been living more in the moment, and have been learning to appreciate the little things. 🥰
When do you tend to feel the weight of mommy guilt? In what ways do you struggle with control, perfection, high expectations or over-achievement? How have you extended yourself kindness, grace, or forgiveness? 💜
Discovering our life purpose, for some of us, is an ongoing journey... As you start walking your path, you can't always see the twists and turns, the obstacles, or the detours that are waiting around the next curve. It can be a long and winding road to discover what it is you are supposed to be doing and who you are meant to be helping. After I completed my general coaching studies several years ago, I decided to pursue additional studies in the niche areas of Relationship Coaching and Spiritual Coaching. Both of these themes had been emerging with some of my early clients and I wanted to learn how to better support them.
However, at the conclusion of my studies, I realized that I had a lot of my own work to do in 1) healing some of my own personal relationships and 2) discovering what spirituality meant to me and where my own spiritual journey was leading me. At the time, I was distant and disconnected - from myself, from Source, and from who should have been the most important people in my life. As I had my own self-discovery and healing work to do, I chose not to pursue those niche areas at that time and instead offered general life coaching. As a coach, you tend to provide the best service to your clients when you have done the work for yourself, first.
Now, five years later, I have done a LOT of self-inquiry and self-exploration. I have been healing old emotional wounds and reconnecting to my heart center. I have invested time and energy into healing the strained relationships in my life, and I have discovered my unique spiritual path.
And now it's time to follow my heart and lean into those original areas of passion I discovered back then. I am READY to offer Relationship Coaching and Spiritual Coaching to those who are seeking stronger connections and healthier, more fulfilling relationships with the most important people in their life, including themselves.
The beautiful thing is, this isn't drastically disconnected from everything else I've been focusing on lately: wellbeing and self-care, journal writing, or my desire to help women with positive divorce recovery. It's all connected. But leaning into my niche areas allows me to prioritize my work better. The focus of my future posts will be evolving to align to these areas of Relationships/relational wellbeing and Spirituality/spiritual wellbeing, both of which still connect to personal and emotional wellbeing.
And just so there's no confusion:
1) When I say Relationship Coaching - I am using the broadest sense of the word "relationship" - In addition to romantic relationships, these concepts can be applied to ANY kind of relationship in our life - with family, friends, coworkers, and more.
2) When I say "spirituality" - I am not referring to religion. Religious practices may certainly be part of a person's spiritual journey, or they may not. Spirituality is much broader and is individualized to each person.
I'll be sharing more about both of these areas in future posts. I'll also be making changes to my social media pages/profiles and my website over the coming days to reflect these areas of focus and the services I will provide.
Thanks to you all for your support and I look forward to our continued connection!